Red Carpet Rundown: Julianne Moore

As one of the comments on my original article at Teentoday.co.uk noted, ‘Julianne Moore looks such a mess, which is a shame because she usually gets it so right’. That comment was only about her Golden Globes outfit (left) as well… imagine what the poster would have said if she’d seen Moore’s almost-equally disastrous Critics Choice dress…

Balenciaga (left) – It took a while for any designer to own up to this… thing… and you can see why. I’m still not convinced it actually is a dress, more a roll of leftover fabric that Moore let one of her kids customise with the draught excluder. The colour is a horrid, little-seen choice for the red carpet – the kind of slate-grey normally reserved for cheap Matalan suits (non-UK readers, substitute cheap clothes store at your own discretion). Shapeless, unflattering and matched in woefulness by the clunky shoes.

Lanvin (right) – Fitting my highly-scientific formula, the less high-profile event (Critics Choice) warrants less length but sadly, no less of a balls-up. Moore usually wears deep jewel tones that make her porcelain skin look flawless yet this bright red succeeds in bringing out the pink in her complexion, making her look more sunburnt-lobster. Again, the cut is downright bizarre – I feel the ruffles are aiming for floaty, yet wind up somewhere nearer frumpy. The shoes are black and boring and there are not even any blingtastic accessories worthy of distraction. I’m actually going to stop talking about this ensemble as every time I look at it, I see something else wrong.

Favourite? – It’s like Sophie’s Choice in reverse. I suppose the Lanvin is preferable, yet only in the way that getting splashed by a car is preferable to getting splashed by a lorry i.e. neither is very desirable at all.

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