Tag Archives: Lady Gaga

Top 11 Singles Of 2010

The Top 11 Singles Of 2010 was one of the easiest lists to decide upon – the top eleven literally jumped out at me as being far and away the best of the year, whilst their only competition was other singles by the same artists (Robyn’s Indestructible, Katy Perry’s California Gurls, Gaga’s Alejandro and Diana Vickers’ The Boy Who Murdered Love are arguably better than the three nearly-but-not-quites). So there’s not much more to say apart from… enjoy!

1.         Fuck You – Cee Lo Green (1)

If something looks like a Motown classic, sounds like a Motown classic and feels like a Motown classic, is it to all intents and purposes, a Motown classic? Well, perhaps not with a swear word in the title. Stuffed with more classic moments than a Channel 4 Jimmy Carr-fronted countdown – ‘she’s an Xbox and I’m more Atari’, the pure grrr behind ‘I really hate yo’ ass right now’, the wailing all over the middle eight – not even an auto-tuned Gwyneth Paltrow doing the sanitized censored version on Glee could ruin it. But with its golden-retro-funk stylings, a rich soul vocal and a tune that lodges itself in your head until your dying day, Fuck You may as well have come stamped with ‘future classic’ on its forehead.

2.            Poison – Nicole Scherzinger (3)

Do I hear the words dance breakdown? Just when everyone thought the RedOne gravy train was losing momentum, the man goes and does it again. This time, he manages to turn the dislikeable diva from the Pussycat Dolls into a sexy sultry strumpet with this barnstorming belter. Half superhero soundtrack, half dancefloor manifesto, is there anyone out there who ISN’T Swedish capable of coming out with a chorus this good?

3.         On A Mission – Gabriella Cilmi (9)

Some of my favourite things in life are ‘talky bits’, ‘epic middle eights’ and ‘ridiculous dance routines’. So imagine my delight to find a song that delivers all three – at the same time! Sounding like Barbarella singing a Jem & The Holgrams song, On A Mission is precisely 80% amazing to 20% totally ridiculous. If most songs enter the scene at a jog, On A Mission announces its arrival shooting cosmic rays from every comet-spurting hook with a few cartwheels, high kicks and roly-polys thrown in for good measure. Cilmi suddenly got sexy – and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

4.            Dancing On My Own – Robyn (8)

Heartbreak never sounded so good. Managing to combine beats that beg to be bopped to alongside lyrics that sound like your heart being slowly but surely ripped out, Dancing On My Own comprehensively nails the genre of ‘dancefloor melancholy’ that probably didn’t even exist until the divine Ms Carlsson decided to do it so well that no-one need even bother trying. The stillness of the middle eight before the chorus windmills back in with a vengeance is a thing of pure Nordic beauty… has it been formally declared a crime yet to dislike Robyn?

5.            Telephone – Lady Gaga/Beyonce (1)

The song that turned the humble music video back into an event of international importance, Telephone would still be worthy of a place even without the poisoned sandwiches, cigarette sunglasses and abundance of awesomeness delivered by the mini-movie. If songs were people, Telephone would be one of those massive over-achievers constantly putting their hand up in class – not content with delivering just one hook, it piles on about fifty before declaring its work done. Beyonce’s ferocious cameo is better than any of her recent solo efforts, whilst Gaga outdoes herself by creating a song with even more catchy ‘eh eh eh’s than the one she actually titled ‘Eh Eh’! And for those that say this Darkchild-produced track is Gaga at her most generic, take one listen to the flavourless Britney demo to hear just how much Queen Gaga and her Honey-Bee bring to the party.

6.         One – Sky Ferreira (64)

In a year when everyone, their gran and their pet gerbil were coming out with processed electropop productions, it took something special to stand out from the bleepy beepy crowd. That something was Sky Ferreira. Ignore the obnoxious interviews, ignore the freaky video that makes her look like she has a giant baby head floating in a box and instead concentrate on one of the sleekest, cleanest and most unique electropop songs of the year. Superlative.

P.S. For anyone that has given up on the use of repetitive lyrics in pop songs thanks to Cheryl Cole’s efforts, Ferreira restores faith in the art. There are no fewer than twenty-three ‘stop’s, fourty-nine ‘up’s and one hundred and twelve ‘one’s in One, and the song wouldn’t be the same without any one of them. [Please note, these figures may not be accurate]

7.            Teenage Dream – Katy Perry (2)

It takes a bit of effort to look past Katy Perry’s projectile-emitting tits, the ‘ooooh, I’m controversial, me!’ lyrics and the collection of cartoon wigs and spandex dresses but Teenage Dream proves that it’s just about worth it. Featuring that rarest of things – a somewhat subtle Dr Luke/Max Martin production – it beats with heart, soul and sincerity. A rose-tinted, golden haze of pure youthful love.

8.         All Time Low – The Wanted (1)

I think it shows how far the pop firmament has come when, rather than releasing slushy dross as a first single, a new boy-band are launched with an ambitious different and actually minorly epic track. All Time Low is the very definition of a grower, emerging from sparse beginnings of a stop-start string staccato section, sprouting wings around the classic pop chorus area, introducing a pounding beat mid-way through just for the heck of it and finally taking glorious flight in the gorgeous layered crescendo of the middle eight. And they didn’t even take their tops off in the video.

9.            Higher – The Saturdays (10)

I despair of The Saturdays. Yet every time I feel safe in totally writing them off (tampon ads, half-brained mini-album release, piss-poor comeback single, half-arsed performances, dull ITV2 shows, re-releasing already crap mini-album with songs off their old album that they’ve attempted to delete from record stores etc etc), they use another of their nine lives by releasing their best song since Up. A fantastically-constructed pop song, with a chorus so unashamedly uplifting that the NHS are thinking of making it available on prescription, Higher would sound good even if it were sung by a dodgy session singer with a blocked nose and throat infection. Hell, it might even sound better as, in true Saturdays style, they managed to balls it up (Una’s epic middle eight live moment has disappeared to the bottomless well of Autotune). They then added Flo Rida. Farewell, eighth life.

10.       Echo – Girls Can’t Catch (19)

Alas, Girls Can’t Catch, we never really knew ye. Well, actually, we did, but it’s hard to recover from playing croquet in a rubbish tip and a potentially career-ruining Teentoday interview. Echo, with its sweeping Tedder-esque production, should have been the ace up GCC’s sleeve; instead, it just fizzled out on a cliff somewhere in front of some dodgy blue-screen animation. Oh Echo, we’ll light a candle in your memory and place it in the temple of ‘Great Forgotten Pop Songs Of Our Time’.

11.       Once – Diana Vickers (1)

Given that I enjoyed Diana Vickers’ X-Factor stint as much as I enjoyed my last bout of gastroenteritis, no-one was more surprised than yours truly that I ended up loving The Claw’s debut single as much as I did. With the pop might of Eg White and Cathy Dennis behind it, Once was a quirky little number that suddenly smashed you in the face with its full-throttle body-slam of a chorus. Idiosyncratic vocals, glacial production and Diana’s pure charm complete the gift-wrapped package.

Three nearly but not quites…

McFly – Shine A Light, Take That – The Flood, Katie Melua – The Flood

Top 11 Albums Of 2009

I don’t really have much to say about this list other than… ta-da! Here are my Top 11 Albums Of 2009!

This was the year of electro, the year of another Scandinavian invasion on my charts and where the only bloke on the list hides in the shadows of Elly Jackson’s quiff. It’s also the only year where I managed full-length reviews of all the entries on my list (not that this matters much to you, what with Teentoday’s archive being down) and it was the year I wondered what the hell to do with The Fame Monster… and I’m still not entirely satisfied with the result!

1.            Florence and the Machine – Lungs
Weird, wild and wonderful, flame-haired Florence Welch could well be the Kate Bush of the Noughties. Lungs positively glitters with songs as dark and rich as the finest chocolate fudge cake, whilst her enigmatic Machine provide backing instrumentation with more layers than you’d wear to brave the British winter. But beneath all this Gothic polish lie tunes that are just unmistakably excellent, made all the more wondrous considering this is a debut album (Cosmic Love may even be my track of the year). The Twilight Saga only wishes it was this epic. Let yourself be sucked into Florence’s whirlwind world and you won’t regret it.

2.         Agnes – Dance Love Pop
Recording pure straight-up pop music sometimes seems like it’s something to be ashamed of in these climes. Thankfully, not so in Scandinavia. Agnes’ Dance Love Pop does exactly what it says on the tin, with a smile on its face throughout, and is totally unabashed about doing so. Think 80s Whitney at her best (and Agnes’ vocals are just as immaculate) with that trademark sprinkle of Scandipop magic and you’re halfway there. These are pop songs so solid they might survive nuclear war.

3.            Alcazar – Disco Defenders
Other acts get to their third studio albums making noise about progression and change of style. Alcazar just get on with doing what they do best – making pop songs catchier than chickenpox with choruses bigger than some entire songs whilst wearing the tackiest outfits they can (and sometimes can’t) get away with. What’s more, despite line-up changes that even the Sugababes might shirk at (as yet, even they haven’t tried to add then remove boyfriends from the band), Disco Defenders manages to be their strongest album yet, with hit after hit walloping you around the face with shimmering shimmying brilliance. Burning sees Alcazar hit the clubs, specially-designed dance routine in tow, Inhibitions sees them take on a delicious guitar riff or two and Put The Top Down has them doing a summer cruise, deflecting UV rays with stellar pop choruses. Fabulous.

4.         Lily Allen – It’s Not Me, It’s You
Forget her status as tabloid fodder. Forget the outspoken interviews and the paparazzi shots of her looking wasted. It’s Not Me, It’s You proves that Lily Allen was born to be a pop star – and makes the news that she’s taking a break from music look all the more bleak. Who’d Have Known, Chinese and I Could Say are feather-light ditties that make the everyday sound beautiful; Back To The Start, Everyone’s At It and The Fear are pure choons with emotional/topical clout. With a dash of wit here and a pinch of profanity there, plus that trademark singing style that would sound stupid with anyone else, it’s unmistakeably and unapologetically Allen – and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Come back soon, Lil!

5.         Lady Gaga – The Fame Monster
I umm-ed and ahh-ed about The Fame Monster’s inclusion in this chart for days. Strictly speaking, it’s a re-release. But it’s just so good. But it’s only eight tracks long! But it is just SO good. And so here The Fame Monster finds itself, only eight tracks long but my, what an eight tracks they are. Eight tracks that are better than most twelve-track albums and represent Gaga’s near-complete mastery of the pop genre (not content with throwing the kitchen sink at the deliciously frantic production of Telephone, even Beyonce turns up for the ride!). Watching Gaga’s next move should prove fascinating (with Speechless finally showing she can turn her hand to a decent heartfelt ballad) yet The Fame Monster, in all its rah-rah-rah-ing glory, will do just perfectly for now, thanks very much.

6.         The Saturdays – Wordshaker
Since this album plummeted down the charts, The Saturdays backlash has already started (and spare me from the hilarity of those oh-so-witty Flopgo and One Last Shot puns please). In my eyes though, The Saturdays have nothing to be ashamed of (bar the PR who pulled our competition for mentioning their live performance record is a little dodgy) – five girls easy on the eyes and ears whose songs are high-gloss pop. Upping the fierce factor from the mostly saccharine Chasing Lights results in an album that’s a lot more listenable; Lose Control, Ego, Open Up and One Shot are all rambunctious robust tunes with more than enough hooks to withstand a few rounds in the ring with their greatest critics.

7.         Ashley Tisdale – Guilty Pleasure
I don’t believe in the concept of guilty pleasures for music (in my opinion, if you love a song, you love it and there’s no need to be ashamed whatever Q says – apart from the Crazy Frog that is…) but I do understand where Tisdale’s sophomore album title is coming from. For those whose usual preference is bands with guitars, beards, independent record labels and self-penned (usually shit) lyrics, then any sniff of this Disney queen near their record collection would be something to feel guilty about – yet I’ve seen just those types start humming along shiftily once they’ve lost themselves to a few of these fairly immaculate renderings of pop-rock at its finest. An endless series of catchy choruses sung with gusto, it’s like the kid sister of a Katy Perry album (if One Of The Boys had actually been much good).

8.         VV Brown – Travelling Like The Light
VV Brown may be more famous for her style, her press ubiquity or her Twitter breakdowns, yet Travelling Like The Light showed she at least deserved to be just as well-known for her music. You won’t find many debut albums with more energy (or that kick off proceedings with a manic bawl) and from start to finish, VV rarely let’s up. Her brand of doo-wop pop is a little rough round the edges yet in a year saturated by electropop, it sounded fresh exciting and pretty unique too, whilst Travelling Like The Light (the song) showed Brown could tackle silky smooth slowies too. Surely you’ve gotta have a little bit of love for an artist that sprinkles old-school Nintendo bleeps in her songs?

9.         Nerina Pallot – The Graduate
You won’t find this album in many ‘Best Of 2009’ lists – in fact, you’ll struggle to find many reviews of The Graduate at all – yet more fool everyone, because this album is almost as quietly brilliant as the album that was meant to launch her to mainstream success, 2006’s Fires. Pallot has a beautifully understated voice and a dangerously good talent for banging out quality songs (she’s now writing for the likes of Kylie and Diana Vickers). Just as adept at a radio-friendly uptempo (Real Late Starter, I Don’t Want To Go Out) as a heart-stoppingly gorgeous ballad (It Starts, Everything’s Illuminated), Pallot could well be pop’s best-kept secret. Until we let you in on it, that is.

10.            Shakira – She-Wolf
So the current craze for all things electro reached Columbia too. South America’s finest (legal) export manages to successfully meld her international influences with Pharrell’s pulsating beats and some excellent disco hooks to produce one of the year’s tightest albums. As ever, Shakira’s unique bleat and barmy lyrics prove as much as a draw as the tunes themselves – who else would manage to name-check Matt Damon (the whirling insanity of Men In This Town), compare herself to a coffee machine (the delicious disco of She-Wolf) and impersonate an airport tannoy welcoming you to Hell (the rollicking rock licks of Mon Amour) all on one album?

11.       La Roux – La Roux
La Roux have a sound and by God, they’ve stuck to it. Their debut album sees them glide glacially on the good ship Electro (what they’ll do when that’s no longer in vogue remains to be seen), with some absolutely major tunes along the way. The absolute relentlessness of those beats and Elly Jackson’s Marmite vocals ensure that it never manages too many repeated spins on my record player but these are choruses so insistently effective that just one listen does the trick. Cover My Eyes, meanwhile, goes against the odds to prove that an electro-ballad (even with choir) is not only possible, but positively brilliant.

Top 11 Albums Of 2008

2008 leaps out as being a really poor year for albums, so much so I resorted to putting an album that wasn’t even technically released on here! Only the top five of this list really stand out; the rest are three (and a half) star albums at best that wouldn’t make the cut in any other year, with Jenny Lewis and John Legend even having better albums under their belt that didn’t make the charts in other years.

Still, enough with the cryptic clues. For better or worse, I present you with my Top 11 Albums Of 2008.

1.         Britney Spears – Circus
Not as good as Blackout, but then again, what is? Whilst Blackout was an unrelenting dance nirvana, Circus is more a collection of great songs, with a couple of stinkers thrown in for good measure. [How did the teeth-gnashingly awful My Baby, with its nauseating lyrics about smelling breath ever leave the demo stage? And Mmm Papi is so shudder-inducingly cringe-making, you’ll hang your head in shame at how annoyingly catchy it is.] The sirens of Womanizer signal that Britney is back with bells on; tracks like Kill The Lights (heralding the return of ‘Princess, now Queen of Pop, Miss Britney Spears’), the strangulated vowels of Shattered Glass and the winking thrust of If U Seek Amy may steal the limelight but the experimental stutters and squeals of Mannequin and hypnotic seduction of Unusual You reveal their lustre on later listens. Meanwhile, my two favourites are mere bonuses – the Lady Gaga-penned (listen out for her on backing vocals) jaw-droppingly lovely Quicksand, which feels like it just rains gooey gorgeousness at every listen and the retro butterscotch charms of Amnesia (I could write an essay on this song – stuttering on the word ‘stutters’, the way that ‘butterflies’ is fragmented into two lines, that the song is about how hot some guy is that Brit ‘gets amnesia’ and then he comes to her and tells her that he can’t ‘forget about her’… that’s clever pop for you, and it’s utterly blissful). Welcome back Britters!

2.         Lady Gaga – The Fame
At times, Lady Gaga really annoys me – ridiculous crotch-thrusting outfits, too much make-up, hair like straw, insisting that she’s 22 when she looks about 40. But then I remember how great her songs are. The Fame is a remarkable debut, with barely a duff track, and the seamy seedy edge added by lyrics detailing an obsession with fame or a predilection for rough sex complement the killer choruses (more than most artists manage in an entire career) perfectly. Suddenly, her ‘I’m outrageous, me!’ get-up just doesn’t matter anymore.

3.         Girls Aloud – Out Of Control
Tame by Girls Aloud’s standards, bloody brilliant by anyone else’s. Lacking the genre-pogoing bravery of Tangled Up, Out of Control still has its fair share of electrifyingly eclectic moments in Miss You Bow Wow (a seemingly endless segue of stunning choruses), Revolution In The Head and Live In The Country. The rest of the album may see the girls on more mellow mainstream form – yet on tracks as genuinely lovely as Rolling Back The Rivers, the magnificent melancholy of The Loving Kind and whirling ecstasy of Untouchable, who’s complaining?

4.         Same Difference – Pop
If you like your music to come with bigger smiles than a sales assistant on commission, then this is the album for you. This is pop in primary colours with hundreds and thousands sprinkled liberally on top, with surprisingly strong vocals from the siblings (so clean-cut that they make the Andrex puppy look a little sordid in comparison). Pop has had epic key changes thrown at it like confetti – the elongated one in Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now should be framed and hung up in a gallery, it’s that amazing. From the glorious cover art, to the perfectly-picked material, Pop practically wags its tail with pure unadulterated joy. It’s as if Steps never went away.

5.         Ladyhawke – Ladyhawke
Does the album get a bit samey after a while? Yes. Does Ladyhawke’s ‘couldn’t give a shit, might as well be singing about what I need to get from Tesco later’ vocal delivery diminish the songs’ brilliance? Yes. But is this still a pretty great, cohesive, synthy sumptuous banquet of electro-indie? Yes. And is Paris Is Burning a sleazy adrenaline rush like no other? Of course.

6.         Lemar – The Reason
I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: thank God for Lemar. The man is single-handedly keeping male British soul/r n’ b alive. His albums are always consistent, his voice is gorgeous and well, he seems a thoroughly nice chap. At ten tracks, The Reason never outstays its welcome and is a smoothly impressive record; in fact, Lemar out-sings, out-funks and out-does John Legend’s Evolver at every turn. Little Miss Heartbreaker is just crying out, in fact wailing loudly and bashing its fists against a wall, to become a massive hit and this album, like Catfights, deserves so much more success.

7.         Sugababes – Catfights And Spotlights
I can’t pretend that the Sugababes abandonment of electropop didn’t disappoint – and without the Red Dresses, Holes in The Heads and Push the Buttons of the world, Catfights does suffer. The resulting energy drought will have you clinging as desperately onto the sole stomper (Hanging On A Star) as a bunny boiler to their ex – however, nothing but nothing will compel me to look on Girls with anything other than contempt. A gaping creative trench of a song, built solely around the strength of its sample and with little consideration for including a decent anything else, it’s a nadir in the Babes’ career. But Catfights does serve as a reminder that, once upon a time, the Sugababes (in whatever previous incarnation) were just as effective at ballads and midtempos as rave-ups. A quietly good album with some great vocals; Can We Call A Truce is heartbreaking pared-down beauty and Heidi has never sounded so heart-achingly gorgeous.

8.         Annie – Don’t Stop
Not technically released [it eventually saw the light of day in late 2009, a ridiculous 18 months after the Interwebz got their first taste of Don’t Stop], but it seems churlish not to award Norwegian pop sprite Annie her place in the top 11. Don’t Stop boasts songs lighter than spun sugar, a fair smattering of wit and depth that many of her contemporaries lack and the occasional utter leftfield spark (ice cream chimes in I Know Ur Girlfriend Hates Me). Annie’s feather-light delivery perhaps lacks the appropriate punch for power-pop like My Love Is Better but juxtaposes against the rocky duet I Can’t Let Go nicely and is the perfect fit for dreamy epics like Songs Remind Me Of You and Marie Cherie.

9.         Jenny Lewis – Acid Tongue
Lewis just has a voice that makes you melt – she just seems to sing with such simplicity and feeling that it delves into parts of your soul you weren’t sure existed. Not an album that will have you raving it up until poppers o’ clock but a master-class in breathtaking beauty all the same.

1o.         John Legend – Evolver
I’ve long said that Legend could read the dictionary over a backing track and I’d still be in thrall to that honeyed voice. But Legend’s attempts to become the next Marvin Gaye are wearing a little thin because he has not yet managed to match the majesty of 2005’s wondrous Get Lifted. Green Light, propelled by Andre 3000’s cheeky chutzpah (btw where is he?! I need another Outkast album!), offers a tantalising glimpse of what could happen if Legend veered in a slightly funkier direction. Sadly, nothing on Evolver, despite the progressive sounding title, comes close to even trying. His piano-led ballads are still beautiful (This Time = Evolver’s Ordinary People), but you hear me Legend, I want more!

11.         The Saturdays – Chasing Lights
The Saturdays are being touted as the great white hope of girl bands – the last bastion if the Sugababes and Girls Aloud should disappear. On the basis of Chasing Lights, I’m worried. Yes, there are some great tunes on here (I have a huge squidgy soft spot for the monumentally cheesy Why Me, Why Now) but they would be great tunes if my wall sung them to me – in fact, they might even be better. The Saturdays are in desperate need of personality and spark in order to elevate their slick yet serviceable pop to the next level. Up is still bloody good though.

Top 11 Singles Of 2008

The Top 11 Singles Of 2008 is probably my least favourite list of them all. Despite the fact that the songs are all amazing (obviously – I chose ‘em!), something about it just doesn’t flow. And I overplayed my number one song to such an extent (something like on repeat 15 times a day for six months) that it’s only just returning from a two-year banishment, a move required for me to appreciate its majesty once more.

However, this is the list that has had the most extensive tinkering. Originally Madcon’s Beggin’ was on the list – before I went to see Jersey Boys and realised everything great about that song was the Four Seasons sample! An Alcazar single was on there (before I tightened my UK-release only rules), as was Rihanna’s Disturbia (good but generic). In their place went Alphabeat (a song I loved but which seemed so instantly familiar, I thought it was one of those tracks from aeons ago that had bypassed my radar), Miley Cyrus (excluded back in the days when I held Hannah Montana against her) and V V Brown (a limited release single I only found out about after the list was done and dusted). The three nearly but not quites are also all songs I didn’t appreciate at the time but which I couldn’t do without now, yet something about them jars with the overall list, hence them not making the cut.

But enough talking, time for listing! Here’s eleven slices of 2008’s finest…

1.         Hot N Cold – Katy Perry (4)
If you know me, you’ll know that I’m ever so slightly obsessed with Hot N Cold. The video holds a permanent place on my desktop and the song itself ain’t too shabby either. A Dr Luke/Max Martin chorus to end all others, and just when you might be getting bored of it, along comes the Jason Nevins Radio Edit, which made the impossible possible by making it even more epic on the scale of amazing than before.

2.            Spiralling – Keane (23)
Those thrilling beginning wooooos marked the return of Keane in an entirely different guise from slightly wet piano-playing cousins of Coldplay. Some mental lyrics about fashioning you from jewels and stones we can take or leave, but the hook that swirls, spirals and sucks you in is simply irresistible. Intoxicating, hypnotising, entrancing and just plain bloody brilliant.

3.         When I Grow Up – The Pussycat Dolls (3)
Dance breakdown? Check. Ridiculous lyrics? Check. Skanky outfits? Check. Nicole singing practically everything? Check. (Apparently, she even provides backing vocals… to herself). What a shame that the Pussycat Dolls follow-up album was absolute wank but at least we have this Darkchild slice of musical magnificence to remember them by.

4.         Just Dance – Lady Gaga (1)
Lady Gaga delivered a well-deserved shot up the arm to the music scene and the brilliance of Just Dance is so great that it somehow makes Akon’s presence in a song bearable. The title isn’t a suggestion, but a command and with music this marvellous, a very easy one to execute at that. And I have no idea who or what Colby O Dennis may be, but his section takes the song to a whole other level.

5.         The Promise – Girls Aloud (1)
I don’t know whether to be pleased or annoyed that it took Cheryl Cole being a judge on the X-Factor for the rest of Britain to realise that Girls Aloud are genius. The Promise, a delightful retro romp with finger-crossing dance routine and trademark nonsensical lyrics about walking primroses, may be their least exciting lead single to date – but that still makes it thousands of times better than just about anything else released in the year.

6.            Fascination – Alphabeat (6)
More cheerful than Mr Happy after popping some Es, Fascination sounds like someone let off fireworks in a factory stockpiling old 80s records. Somewhere between The B-52s, Wham and Footloose, it was a frenetic jive around everything wonderful you could possibly think of about pop music, by a group who aren’t afraid to do everything in Technicolour, even if they know their way round the skinny jean/long cardigan section of Topman too. And after being deprived of mixed-gender groups for so long, the charming boy-girl interplay of Alphabeat’s vocals sounds so utterly delicious. The word is on your lips – say the word!

7.         Run – Leona Lewis (1)
If artists insist on recording covers, could they please all be like Leona Lewis’ version of Run?! Saved from the clutches of Snow Patrol mediocrity, Run has it all. Lighters aloft, dry ice swirling, perfect vocals, choir appearing for the key change – this song is a thing of pure beauty. A future classic.

8.         See You Again – Miley Cyrus (11)
‘My best friend Lesley said, “Oh she’s just being Miley”,’ may go down in the record books as the most ridiculous/amazing cult pop lyric of all time. Oddly, its utter inanity somehow contributes to See You Again’s overall excellence. A mesmerising shimmy across the dancefloor, with sparkly accents, seductive vocals and an absolutely stellar chorus, it slams a knockout blow to Disney detractors once and for all.

9.         Crying Blood – V V Brown (-)
The insane lovechild of a Nintendo theme tune and the Monster Mash, Crying Blood is an unhinged reworking of doo-wop for the noughties. Exploding out your speakers with all the addictiveness of a batch of EU-banned E-numbers, Crying Blood has enough energy and exuberance for twenty songs, bottled down and boiled into two and a half minutes of pop lunacy at its best.

10.            Womanizer – Britney Spears (3)
Fast, frenetic, fantastic and fierce, this indicated that Britney was back and with bells on. Deserves a place for the intro alone – and yes, those are sirens.

11.       Up – The Saturdays (5)
Who cares if they’re blander than Rachel Stevens buying magnolia wallpaper and vanilla ice cream when The Saturdays deliver infectious electropop as great as this?

Three nearly but not quites…
That’s Not My Name/Shut Up & Let Me Go – The Ting Tings, Dance Wiv Me – Calvin Harris & Dizzee Rascal, So What – Pink