Category Archives: Music

Top 11 Albums Of 2006

Posted on January 7, 2011 | 2 comments

Whilst my rules on the top singles of the year have got stricter, my album lists have become freer. Most significantly, I’ve allowed international releases in with open arms.

My justification is a little woolly but makes sense in my head. Singles are inextricably bound up with charts (it’s almost their reason for being) and so it makes sense to take one country’s chart and stick with it. Obviously, living in the UK, I had an innate understanding of how the charts worked (with lots of easily accessible online data) and whilst I’d love to include my favourite Alcazar singles, I could never get a native-like grip over Sweden’s charts – and if I lived there, there’d probably be all sorts of obscure Swedish gems I’d know about, not just the few that I manage to pick up and unfairly focus on. And I’ve not even got started on the US charts, some including airplay or club-play, all with separate genres that manage to include songs apparently not even properly released! I could open up the lists to songs in general, but the idea of that is too huge to contemplate and leads to all kinds of questions about what year a song belongs to (when it leaks on the Internet? when it first appears on an album? when it’s released as a single?).

However, albums are an internationally-recognised format, a self-contained body of work. There’s no worries about it being a single, a buzz track, an album track that randomly charted or a single released only in certain places but not others. And thanks to the wonders of the Internet (or even a particularly well-stocked branch of HMV), I can buy that album anywhere, listen to it anywhere and it will be exactly the same album in England as it is in Outer Mongolia (probably).

…Oh well, it makes sense to me. And it’s essentially a long-winded way of saying, albums you might not be familiar with (and not originally included) are on this list, which is incidentally another of my favourites – deal with it! So sit back, relax and enjoy the Top 11 Albums Of 2006!

1.            Margaret Berger – Pretty Scary Silver Fairy
Leave it to those pesky Swedes to produce an electropop record so catchy, so creative and so cohesive that everyone else might as well give up. Ten tracks of shimmery sparkly synthy goodness, delivered in Berger’s silvery tingly coo, mean it’s near impossible to pick a favourite. Oh well, if you’re gonna push me… it has to be Will You Remember Me Tomorrow. A twinkly treat set to swirl you straight to electro-disco heaven. Pretty Scary Silver Fairy is an utter joy from beginning to end, and all over again when you inevitably hit the replay button.

2.         Gwen Stefani – The Sweet Escape
The Stefani is back – and who else would have the chutzpah and indeed, sheer craziness to sample yodelling from The Sound of Music on a comeback single?! Wind It Up might have initially sounded like a car crash but repeated listens showed it to be an infectious stomper enhanced by a quite brilliant video (Gwen is a nun! Gwen makes curtains! Gwen sings to harajuku girls dressed as children from Sound of Music who do demented clockwork dance!). Her second album trades the excited random energy of L.A.M.B for a more mature lush Cool-esque sound but it’s quietly just as good as her debut. And that title track is the best thing I’ve heard this year.

3.         The Feeling – Twelve Stops and Home
Was there a more lovely, life-affirming album this year? (In case you’re wondering, the answer’s no). The equivalent of a ray of sunshine into even the most jaded record-buyer’s heart, The Feeling have produced an album of unadulterated, unpretentious joy. Ranging from the bubbly to the beautiful, it’s certain to put a smile bigger than Christmas on your face.

4.         Lily Allen – Alright Still
If Lily Allen’s music wasn’t as good as it is, the gobby shtick of pop’s very own Vicky Pollard would have worn thin long ago. Instead, this album of delightfully light ditties was a breath of fresh air. Witty, original and most importantly, catchy as hell, Alright Still proved not just to be the soundtrack to the summer, but to life itself.

5.         Justin Timberlake – FutureSex/LoveSounds
If there was ever a man chosen to bring sexy back, aren’t you pleased it was Justin Timberlake? Shaking off the last vestiges of boy-band blandness (and all memories of that corkscrew perm he once sported), this album screams ‘SEX!’ very loudly. Trademark Timberlake delivery and the dirtiest basslines this side of a red-light district make for a superior Prince-esque album.

6.         Amy Winehouse – Back To Black
Whilst those of us in the know have long realised that Amy Winehouse was an amazing and talented artist, this was the year that everyone else actually sat up and took notice too. Back To Black may have marked a slightly new direction, veering from the witty jazz of debut Frank to more Motown influences, but she still has spadefuls of soul and an absolutely stunning voice. This has every chance of becoming a classic, if only she can stay sober long enough.

7.         Nerina Pallot – Fires
Underrated and overlooked in favour of blander and faker female singer-songwriters, Nerina Pallot’s album is a series of extraordinarily lovely songs. It might not make break any boundaries, but it does middle-of-the-road extremely well, with far more depth and conviction than her counterparts. With songs this radio-friendly, and, in some cases, hauntingly beautiful, it’s a wonder and a real shame this album isn’t doing better.

8.         Marie Serneholt – Enjoy The Ride
A perfect ten tracks of pure pop bliss. The blonde one from A*Teens strides out on her own – and how! From the ‘dum-di-dum’ deliciousness of Turkish Delight-flavoured That’s The Way My Heart Goes to the feelgood summer sunshine of I Love Making Love, the dreamy criminal metaphors of Calling All Detectives to the breathy sumptuous last dance of Oxygen, it’s all superb stuff. Did we enjoy the ride? No… we bloody flipping well loved it!

9.            Jamelia – Walk With Me
Jamelia finally abandoned any pretence at R n’ B and embraced pure pop – only to be rewarded with absolutely no sales (I blame the awful album sleeve). C’est la vie, I suppose but totally undeserved since Walk With Me is one of the most solid and consistent albums of the year.

10.       The Fratellis – Costello Music
More energy than a seven-year old stuffed with blue Smarties, this is one of the debuts of year. Ridiculously catchy, lively tracks like Creeping Up The Backstairs and Chelsea Dagger (destined to become a nights out sing-along classic) combine with the charming acoustic highlight Whistle For The Choir to create a frenetic, frantic and fun album, with guitar riffs and catchy hooks by the busload. Frankly, it’s almost impossible to dislike anything about such an upbeat album.

11.       The Kooks – Inside In/Inside Out
This album has the advantage of having been out for practically the whole of 2006, hence allowing practically every song on it to seep gradually into the public consciousness. Yet the reason it has done this was not just due to the inescapable tv ads but because it’s a collection of charmingly fresh tunes. And sorry to all you Luke Pritchard haters out there, but that’s just the way it is.

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21 Best Singles Of 2006

Posted on January 6, 2011 | Leave a comment

You’ll be pleased to know that this is the last year of twenty-one best singles. Whether this is because the charts have got less good since 2006 or simply because I’ve learnt to say no to songs knocking on my top eleven’s door, I’m not certain. For what it’s worth, this is probably my favourite singles list of the lot, right down to the ‘nearly but not-quites’, and number two is one of my favourite tracks of all time.

You may notice there is an infringement of my not featuring an artist more than once rule. This is because the particular “artist” in question (and trust me, those quotation marks have never been more deserved!) probably had about as much to do with the songs as I did! Such is the brilliance of the songs on their own that they’d probably make the list if a robot sang them… and I can’t be certain that isn’t the case anyway!

The most noticeable omission that had to be rectified was the absence of Take That. Patience is such an all-time fave (yes, that phrase will be much overused in the next few days) that the only explanation I can find for it not making the list first-time round was that it hadn’t been released when the bulk of the list was being formed (charting in late November/December… yes, I begin thinking about my lists that early!).

So here’s my 21 Best Singles of 2006… and number one has had a whole new lease of life for me since I busted it out on Xbox Kinect’s Dance Central!

1.            Maneater – Nelly Furtado (1)
R.I.P Folksy Furtado, love live Naughty Nelly. Sexy synths, booming basslines and armfuls of attitude make this the best song of the year, in the sluttiest of ways. Everybody look at me, indeed.

2.         Pull Shapes – The Pipettes (26)
Few of you are probably aware that this even exists. Rectify this situation now! A shiny sparkly spangly song brimming over with joyousness, it’s an unforgettable 60s-tinged call to the dancefloor that proves impossible to resist. One of those life-affirming tracks that makes you feel glad to be alive and kicking (preferably in dancing shoes).

3.            Beware Of The Dog – Jamelia (10)
Via the theft of a great 80s riff and the presence of some quite thrilling drum action, Jamelia’s undeservedly unsuccessful single is another of the year’s greatest pop masterpieces. Electrifying punchy.

4.            Patience – Take That (1)
Everyone’s favourite boy band marked their triumphant return as men, with stubble, long coats and everything, with this epic slowie. But Patience is just too good to be dismissed as a mere boy b(l)and ballad; it scales great heights of amazingess with every Barlow top note. Utterly gorgeous.

5.            Nothing In This World – Paris Hilton (55)
If Paris Hilton must make music, let it be this – feel-good fluff that would sound fab no matter who sang it. Gratuitous ‘da da da’s are always a winner. A really great pop record.

6.            Something Kinda Ooooh – Girls Aloud (3)
Surely one of the best song titles of the year, if nothing else? Girls Aloud returned with this riotous rave-up that, in the manner of all the greatest Aloud tunes, sounds like a complete mess before revealing itself to be a beautiful pop revelation.

7.         Rehab – Amy Winehouse (7)
This jangling old-school ditty sounded like Motown at its best; in reality, it’s a gobby intoxicated banshee from the East End but that just makes Rehab all the more amazing. Possibly the best thing Amy Winehouse has ever done, horns and all; her forty-a-day voice has never sounded better.

8.         Crazy – Gnarls Barkley (1)
The definition of effortless cool.

9.         My Love – Justin Timberlake (2)
SexyBack, with its dirty lyrics and even dirtier beat, might have garnered the headlines but this, in reality, is the better song. A series of swirling strings and the swooping Timberlake falsetto take glorious centre-stage, building up to a series of progressive complex climaxes. An unexpected pleasure.

10.       Rock Steady – All Saints (3)
Pop’s sulkiest madams return with this fresh and breezy slice of reggae-lite. Harmonies par none with the second verse, featuring those underrated Appleton vocals and layers of breathy echoes, proving simply sublime.

11.            Supermassive Black Hole – Muse (4)
Epic rock for the noughties, with this exhilarating roller-coaster of strange noises and strange voices. Best described as Muse by way of the Scissor Sisters, yet with a result aeons better than you’d think that could sound.

12.            Irreplaceable – Beyonce (4)
Girlfriend doesn’t just do fierce! A luscious mid-tempo ballad, enhanced by Beyonce’s dipped in honey, melted chocolate and various other yummy edible things voice.

13.       LDN – Lily Allen (6)
If this lovely ode to London (which did the impossible by making the capital actually seem appealing) did not make you feel summery and happy, I suggest you check for a pulse. Will anyone ever dare rhyme ‘al fresco’ again?

14.       No Tomorrow – Orson (1)
The guiltiest pleasure of the year, courtesy of hat-wearing geriatrics Orson, and the fact it gets right up the noses of so-called ‘real rockers’ just makes it even better. Two minutes fifty four seconds of faux moshing bliss that is bound to have you salivating for more.

15.            Voodoo Child – Rogue Traders (3)
Energetic dance-rock certain to have you throwing demented shapes all over the dancefloor. Izzy off Neighbours demonstrates a rock star snarl of a voice that she sadly never utilised on the show – although we’d like to have seen Dr Karl’s face if she had!

16.       Stars Are Blind – Paris Hilton (5)
A track most aptly described as ‘accidentally brilliant’. Hilton’s drowsy “singing” blends almost impossibly perfectly with a lazy reggae beat stolen almost entirely from UB40’s entire output. A near perfect summer record.

17.       S.O.S. – Rihanna (2)
Mid-way through the year and this heady blend of electro, R n’ B and obligatory 80s sample would have been a shoo-in for record of the year. But then a load of people came and did it better. Oh well.

18.            Checkin’ It Out – Lil’ Chris (3)
‘Ch-ch-ch-checkin’ it out!!!!!’ a nation cried, whilst also attempting to emulate the little one’s command of Crazy Frog like noises. An immense record by the tiniest singer pop has known since Geri Halliwell’s freakish yoga days. Second single, Gettin’ Enough, is also very good too.

19.       Naïve – The Kooks (5)
In the words of a panel member (a panel consisting of two), this song ‘never gets old’. Deceptively simple melodies produce a song with yes, a naïve charm all of its own. The angelic Lily Allen cover is possibly even better.

20.       Red Dress – Sugababes (4)
The fact this was released so long ago that I’d almost forgotten about it is the only reason it’s all the way down here, for this is a truly wicked record. That crescendo of a chorus (or is it the bridge… or the middle 8… that’s the genius of producers Xenomania) is one of my favourite pop moments.

21.       Faster Kill Pussycat – Paul Oakenfold ft. Brittany Murphy (7)
I generally despise dance music, but this chunk of invigorating energising and exhilarating electronica on speed will do very nicely, thanks.

Three nearly but not quites…
I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’ – Scissor Sisters, Move Along – All American Rejects, All Time Love – Will Young

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Top 11 Albums of 2005

Posted on January 5, 2011 | Leave a comment

And so begins my obsession with making my ‘Top 11’.

Firstly, why eleven? A combination of a Spinal Tap joke, that eleven is obviously one better than ten, the need to be that little bit different and the fact that when you make top tens, you’re always plagued by that one you had to leave out! 11 is quite an aesthetically pleasing numeral as well, don’t you think? All long leggy streamlined strokes… (ok, obsessing too much now, please stop).

Secondly, this list required a lot of editing. When this was originally published, I included greatest hits collections, frankly because I hadn’t been bothered or inclined to listen to many other albums that year (the top seven on this list are still some of my favourite albums of all-time and completely hogged my CD player… yes, back in the days when we all still listened to CDs). I’d still love to include Basement Jaxx’s Singles Collection in the list as it’s a totally perfect record but it really doesn’t seem fair. Meanwhile, Natalie Imbruglia’s Counting Down The Days has always quietly been one of my all-time favourites without me ever having any conception of when it was released; also, with the benefit of hindsight, age and wisdom (ha!), two albums that actually made my ‘Worst’ list also reach the top eleven! So you can’t say I never admit to being wrong!

The Top 11 Albums of 2005 include the first great Girls Aloud album, the last great Sugababes album and the only great Rachel Stevens album. Enjoy!

1.            Girls Aloud – Chemistry
Words cannot express the pure unadulterated joy and pleasure Chemistry brought me. In fact, it’s orgasmic stuff. Girls Aloud took every rule about pop music and stomped all over them in white stilettos, whilst rapping nonsense, slinging hooks like a heavyweight boxer, making train noises and generally looking rather beautiful. Vive la Aloud.

2.         John Legend – Get Lifted
There has not been a more beautiful voice, or a more beautiful album, this year… FACT. Legend lives up to his name with this absolutely stunning debut, whilst that super-smooth voice slips down like errrr… a really lovely cough lozenge?! OK so the similes aren’t really working for me tonight…

3.         KT Tunstall – Eye To The Telescope
People tried to say she was the new Dido, the new Melua or the new *insert boring female singer-songwriter here* but trust me, she’s much much better. The heartbreakingly beautiful Other Side of the World meant fans of afore-mentioned boring female singer-songwriters bought the album, only to be surprised by this surprisingly varied and accomplished debut. The real highlight – Tunstall’s gorgeously throaty voice and the amazingly infectious, potentially defined as folk but never mind Black Horse and The Cherry Tree. All together now… (it’s off the ads) woooooohoooooooo….

4.            Rachel Stevens – Come And Get It
The British public didn’t really go and get it but more fool them. For sheer pop, it’s hard to better Rachel’s sophomore effort, which sees her spin an electro tour-de-force with the might of pop’s best producers behind her. Ignore the personality vacuum that is Rachel herself, quietly sucking away all charisma with Dyson-esque efficiency, and instead concentrate on pop gems that sparkle even more brightly than Queen Madge’s disco-ball.

5.            Madonna – Confessions On A Dancefloor
With Confessions, the Queen of Pop returned, polished crown and lyrca leotard in tow, to create her best album in years. Disco taken to new levels of sleek and shiny glamour, this was an album that really worked well as one (ultra-toned) body of work, proving the 47 year-old still has what it takes. Dancefloor euphoria, plus it has an Abba sample… awesome.

6.            Sugababes – Taller In More Ways
Missing Mutya already (actually scrap that, because Amelle is my new favourite girl-group member since the halcyon days of Ginger Spice and whichever member of Girls Aloud I’m into this week), Taller In More Ways marked a triumphant comeback for Britain’s coolest girl group. Showcasing a perfect blend of vocal harmonies, the Sugababes dish up plate after plate of daily specials, proving why they’re still the best in the business. Pulsating electro, cool r n b, lush balladry and pure pop storms are all served with consummate ease – and not a dance routine in sight.

7.            Kelly Clarkson – Breakaway
Worth a place just for the anthemic Since U Been Gone and Behind These Hazel Eyes, Miss Clarkson’s album is perfect for anyone whose love life makes the comings and goings at Hollyoaks seem pedestrian. Or just anyone who appreciates the best pop-rawk you’ll find this decade. Full of throaty gutsy angst, backed by tunes strong enough to blast your ex back to the hole from which he crawled, Breakaway is the album Avril Lavigne should have made… if she was actually any good.

8.            Natalie Imbruglia – Counting Down The Days
An album far more delicately beautiful than you’d expect with a Neighbours alumni at the helm, Counting Down The Days made no bones about its main asset – glorious, ethereal loveliness seeping from its every pore. In fact, it just about makes up for the days when Natalie and her artfully floppy hair was never off our screens during the Torn-era.

9.            Kaiser Chiefs – Employment
Jollier than Santa after a dozen brandies, the enjoyable thing about the Kaisers is that they take themselves far less seriously than the likes of other supposed indie bands, instead making songs that just holler to be pogo-ed along to on a Saturday night out. ‘Ooooooooooo… watching the people get lairy’ is possibly one of my favourite opening lyrics… ever.

10.            Pussycat Dolls – PCD
Sexy, skanky, slutty – but hey, they have great dance routines! Less an album and more a smorgasbord of hit after hit, if you can ignore the fact that the PCD have less soul than they do revealing clothing, this was a great party album.

11.            Goldfrapp – Supernature
Black Cherry will forever be my favourite Goldfrapp album, but Supernature does a decent job of diluting Black Cherry’s dark sparkle to a more mainstream audience. From the irresistibly sexy Ooh La La to the swoonsome slink of Number 1, this glacial glide through electro couldn’t be more cohesive unless it was held together with Superglue.

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21 Best Singles Of 2005

Posted on January 4, 2011 | 3 comments

Believe it or not, back in the heady days of 2005, I wasn’t Teentoday’s only writer. Consequently, I wasn’t the one who got to write the Best Singles Of 2005 list – a crying shame, as it was a stellar year for pop music. Obviously, I couldn’t let this pass and cobbled up my own list retrospectively instead.

Looking back, I was amazed how many amazing songs there were that didn’t ever make number one (the UK chart peak is listed in brackets). Oh well, they have the last laugh – who’s singing The Crazy Frog now?!

1.            Biology – Girls Aloud (4)
Not content with making one stellar pop song, Xenomania decided to make three instead, then squish them all into the same record – just because they can. Countless hooks jostle for breathing space amongst ridiculous dance routines and even more ridiculous lyrics. Best pop song of the noughties? I think we have a winner.

2.            Ordinary People – John Legend (27)
Beauty, class and feeling encapsulated into four minutes and forty-one seconds that goes by all too quickly. Subtle but soaring.

3.         Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson (5)
Best break-up song, evah?! Slinging drippy-eyed ballads to the wayside, Clarkson sings, shouts and stomps her way to post-Idol brilliance. All together now – ‘I’m so moving on, YEAH YEAAAAAAAAH!’ How was this not number one?!

4.         Feel Good Inc – Gorillaz (2)
Despite beginning with a sinister cackle, babbling on about windmills for most of the rest of the song and then sneaking up on you with a brilliant rap section, Feel Good Inc is the very definition of effortless cool. The sound of summer… and autumn… and winter.

5.         Cool – Gwen Stefani (11)
Am I being swayed by the gorgeously-shot Sophie Muller video? Oh, who cares! Cool is a marvellous misty-eyed cruise through getting closure, courtesy of some stunning New-Wave synths. Lush.

6.         I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor – The Arctic Monkeys (1)
The Arctic Monkeys basically played the best trick in the book – took a top-quality pop choon, added guitars and Northern accents, and suddenly even lemon-sucking NME editors were hailing their greatness. Obviously, I’d be listing the even more poptastic Sugababes cover if I could.

7.         Time To Grow – Lemar (9)
Where would the MOBOs be without him?! Time To Grow is a silky-smooth ballad that could sell the idea of moving on to even the most bitter-faced bunny-boiling harpie. Just gorgeous.

8.         Push The Button – Sugababes (1)
Minimalist Dallas-Austin produced electropop, sold with trademark sulky swagger by the Britain’s coolest girl group. Hypnotisingly good.

9.         I Said Never Again (But Here We Are) – Rachel Stevens (12)
Rachel Stevens gets guitars! And drums! And some semblance of a personality! The prospect of letting someone in through your back door never sounded so appealing.

10.            Dakota – Stereophonics (1)
Any song that mitigates Kelly Jones’ insufferable smugness must indeed be a thing of greatness. Dakota grows in magnitude with each listen, until you’re forced to admit it simply is one of the finest rock anthems of the decade. Even if you still want to slap Kelly Jones round the face.

11.       Hung Up – Madonna (1)
Take one Abba sample, add a fluorescent pink leotard and mix in a dance routine so hardcore that most lithe-limbed teenagers would bust a muscle even attempting it. Hung Up is a delicious slice of disco, the kind of which you thought died out with Studio 54. Euphoric.

12.            Rebellion (Lies) – Arcade Fire (19)
Astonishingly different and wonderful all at once. If being featured on every soundtrack/advert/epic moment can’t ruin Arcade Fire’s majesty, then you know you’re onto a good thing. [Wake Up is similarly magnificent.]

13.       I Predict A Riot – The Kaiser Chiefs (9)
Making our chart courtesy of a sneaky re-release, I Predict A Riot is a little bit cheeky, a little bit naughty and a whole lot of fun. If there was ever a track that made us consider risking our blow-dry for a spot of high-energy moshing, this was it. *Makes unconvincing rawwwwk hand gesture*

14.       All About You – McFly (1)
Arguably McFly’s last great moment, this awfully pretty love song straddles the fine line between sweet and saccharine. For the most part, it delivers the perfect amount of ‘awwww’, courtesy of touching lyrics and a stirring orchestral section… until the bizarre mention of kitchen tiles, of course.

15.       Switch It On – Will Young (5)
Sounding like early George Michael crossed with a guilty pleasure from an 80s film soundtrack, Switch It On marked young Willard’s first foray into the uptempo. With pounding beats, tap-tastic rhythms and impassioned vocals, we deem it an all-round success. More please.

16.       Do You Want To – Franz Ferdinand (4)
We’re confused. We thought we liked pure pop. But suddenly there’s all these indie bands making what, by any other name, we thought were pure pop choons. Except floppy-haired indie types seem to be enjoying them too. This witty hook-laden track is the perfect example and it’s guaranteed to have you playing air guitar within seconds, even on public transport. Madness.

17. Gold Digger – Kanye West (2)
We don’t really like rap music round these parts. Sounds like talking to us. But even we have to admit that, courtesy of a platinum-plated sample from one of the best (Ray Charles), Kanye created a hand-clapping, hip-grinding, booty-shaking hip-hop classic. WE WANT PRE-NUP!

18.       Fix You – Coldplay (4)
It’s not cool to like Coldplay, but when they create songs this stunning, who cares? Tear-sheddingly beautiful.

19.       Hard To Beat – Hard-Fi (9)
A love song cunningly disguised as a hipster tune. Clever stuff.

20.       Crazy Chick – Charlotte Church (2)
Half barnstorming country record, half unhinged Love Machine rip-off, with vocals set to belt from Wales’ favourite fallen angel.

21.       Oh My Gosh – Basement Jaxx (8)
Quirky, quality dance music, delivered with charm to spare. Enough to make us consider having a mini rave-up at two in the afternoon and we’ve not even had our first rum n’ coke yet. ‘Forget about sugar, have a spoonful of me!’

Three nearly but not quites…
Ooh La La – Goldfrapp, Ticket Outta Loserville – Son Of Dork, Other Side Of The World – K T Tunstall

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: Ruslana – Wild Dances

Posted on September 12, 2010 | 1 comment

For a recent great forgotten pop song, I shared my love of Scandipop. Now, I’m going to spread the love in a distinctly Slavic direction.

Ruslana’s Wild Dances won the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest (and an eternal place in my heart and hard drive) with one of the highest point totals of all-time, whilst Terry Wogan tutted on-high, branding her Xena: Warrior Princess. Lucy Lawless wishes!

Ruslana exudes fierceness. And no, we’re not talking the sexy-scowly wild-eyed fierceness that Tyra and her minions specialise in, yet a total ferocity where you wouldn’t be surprised to see her tear a man into mincemeat before busting out a nifty little dance routine atop his carcass and finishing things off with a howl of a top-note. And he’d still come back begging for more.

Wild Dances pounds with raw energy and near-tribal rhythms, complete with a drumming section from the lady herself. Factor in an ear-pricking attention-grabbing horn intro, skimpy leather costumes complete with bits of animal hanging off them and a tune so feral it demands to be stomped along to, it’s a unique hunk of Ukranian pop greatness. And frankly, you can’t argue with lyrics like ‘Day-na-day-na wanna be loved’, can you?

This was one of the first Eurovision winners to be sung partly in the country’s own language, which makes it even better for someone listening with an English-only ear. The best way to whip yourself into a Ruslana-shaped frenzy is to grunt suitably primal noises along to the Ukranian lyrics, making you really believe you’re participating in some sort of ritualistic chant. I also can’t resist beating something along with the rhythm – be it my seat, my chest or my flabby thighs – which has drawn a few strange looks on public transport. I believe that when most critics describe a song as air-punching, they mean it in a purely figurative sense; nevertheless, I find it becomes a fist-clenching reality as the shouting ‘Hey!’s of Wild Dances always propel me to aim my best right hooks skywards.

At the end of the day though, Wild Dances does exactly what it says on the tin. If it came along sounding all meek and mild, or even if it socked it to you with an immaculately-produced Dr Luke/Max Martin hook, it just wouldn’t feel right. As it is, Ruslana’s throaty efforts ensure that it’s three minutes of stomping staggering and downright bonkers pop dynamite. And it’s badass enough to be featured on Grand Theft Auto IV. Go! Go! Go! Wild dancers!

UK Chart Peak: 47
Key lyric: ‘Go! Go! Go! Wild dancers!’
Get more bonkers Slavic pop: I really don’t know anymore. Just stick Ruslana on repeat. It works for me.

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: Dolly Rockers – How Did I End Up With You

Posted on September 4, 2010 | 2 comments

It is a truth universally acknowledged that all the best pop songs sound even better with a helping of sadness on the side. Ever since Abba churned out tracks with melodies that dreams were made of but lyrics the stuff of domestic nightmares, it’s a quixotic blend that has been used to turn a good song into something more. The next GREAT FORGOTTEN POP SONG OF OUR TIMES has this Special Brew in spades.

Strictly speaking, How Did I End Up With You by The Dolly Rockers is not completely dead, buried and tucked away in the recesses of an amnesiac’s mind just yet. Despite the obligatory girl-group member shuffle, a slanging match with the sadly more successful Saturdays and a single that set the charts on fire with about as much success as an arsonist touting only a birthday candle, the Dolly Rockers continue to stumble on and could still make it big. By God, they deserve it as they already have more great unreleased tracks in their ‘No’ pile than some acts have managed in a whole career. But none come more great than How Did I End Up With You.

The Dolly Rockers are a band you instantly love or hate. With their glitzy jumble-sale style, make-up that you’re unlikely to mistake for an au naturel look and a general air of shambolic charm, you could be forgiven for thinking they were a bunch of tarted-up skanks one short skirt away from the street corner. But then their lyrics (self-penned) bitch-slap you out of such blasphemy – mocking the very people they appear to be, with talk of ‘stick-on nails and plastic hair’, ‘fake tits’ and boys ‘in love with their own reflection’ – all sung in a mesh of wildly-differing accents. It’s a madcap collision between the Spice Girls’ chemistry, Bananarama’s attitude, Lily Allen’s wit and Blur’s tunes that should end in complete chaos but somehow works. Well, for me, anyway. I bloody loved them – they were exciting, had masses of the untamed raw energy that record companies delight in processing out of their acts and were the perfect antidote to the anodyne that I’d been looking for. Basically, I was willing to give up my heart to a girl group for the first time properly since The Spice Girls.

Of course, my devotion proved to be the kiss of the death – their first and only single, Gold Digger, failed to dent the top 40 and nothing else has been released since. But How Did I End Up With You fully deserved to be the track that transcended whatever doubts you may have had about their image/singing ability/overuse of eyeliner; a platinum-plated gem tucked away on their album sampler that should have been their crowning moment, marking their ascendancy to girl group royalty. Splicing melodies and lyrics from Propaganda’s 80s hit Duel and 3OH3!’s Don’t Trust Me, together with an anthemic explosion of a chorus that sounds like Kelly Clarkson in her pomp, it’s a whooshing sherbet rush of pop excellence.

This, on its own, would have been enough. But lo and behold, enter that Special Brew I was banging on about for the whole of the first paragraph, and How Did I End Up With You becomes something more. Quite frankly, you don’t expect lyrics this bleak from a trio whose main strength lies in their self-styled brand of  ‘Drunk Disco’. Nor do you expect something as overt as ‘Why do I have a thing for married men?’ to crop up in a band with their über-kohled eyes trained on the Top 40. It details a relationship gone bad, but one which you just can’t bear to get out of, with just enough hints of domestic abuse (‘The diamonds are fly/He gave me a bruiser; Blow by blow, the passion dies’) to make it knowingly uncomfortable without sounding like a charity record for a women’s refuge.

Whilst most pop songs are content to tread the same shallows over and over again for their Etch-a-Sketch observations about relationships, How Did I End Up With You tackles an unusual but very recognisable hopeless state of limbo – ‘It’s hit or miss, but should I cry/Or keep it real, and hope he stays?’ There’s an air of resigned desperation to the whole thing, as even the rallying chorus of realisation (‘How did I end up with you? How did I ever see a perfect ten?’) ends with the melancholy shrug of ‘No big surprise’.

For the tune alone, it’s already a shooting star shimmering its way across the horizon of mediocre pop songs; factor in the lyrics and it becomes a veritable meteor shower blazing up the entire sky. And all from a bunch of X-Factor rejects? Pop truly does move in mysterious ways.

UK Chart Peak: Unreleased
Key lyrics: ‘How did I end up with you? I’ll never make the same mistake again… How did I ever see a perfect ten?’; ‘The devil’s smiling at this hopeless case’
Get more girl groups with attitude: Shampoo, Kenickie, Bananarama, The Spice Girls

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: A*Teens – Closer To Perfection

Posted on August 11, 2010 | 2 comments

It was only a matter of time before Great Forgotten Pop Songs took on a distinctly Nordic air. Scandipop is one of my great music loves – so much so I dedicated a whole unloved month to it at Teentoday. Why? Those sneaky Scandinavians simply do pop better than everyone else and have been doing so ever since Abba Waterloo-ed their way to Eurovision victory in the 70s. Prime example – Closer To Perfection by The A*Teens.

For most acts, Closer To Perfection would be the jewel in their crown, the ace in their pack, the Berry in their Glee Club. For a Scandipop act, it was mere album filler. A glittering gem on their New Arrival album, Closer To Perfection holds the distinction of not only being a great forgotten pop song of our time but also one of my all-time favourites.

The A*Teens started life as a rather dubious Abba covers act, putting an eletro sheen on classic tunes to re-sell them to a whole new teenybopper market who found Marie/Sara/Dani/Amit attractive. Abba songs are so timelessly perfect that all covers of them lie on a scale somewhere between ‘unnecessary’ and ‘blasphemous’ so I don’t think I need waste much time on the group’s earliest incarnation. America actually thought they were various Abba members’ offspring, which just about tells you everything you need to know about their early marketing (and about America).

Having realised Abba covers weren’t a viable prospect for longevity in a pop group, someone decided that the A*Teens should start recording original songs. Hand that someone a biscuit and make it a caramel chocolate digestive because from then on, it was one pop glory after another. Fronting sunny, fresh and damn catchy tracks like Floorfiller, For All That I Am and Halfway Around The World (and I make no apologies if said tunes crop up on this series at a later date), A*Teens were ready to take their place amongst Sweden’s legacy for producing pop so good that you wonder why other countries still bother. They reached their pinnacle with New Arrival album track, Closer To Perfection.

Initially a slightly underwhelming vaguely electro number, Closer To Perfection somehow makes the transition to blissfully wonderfully perfect without you even consciously realising. I account this to a sprinkling of Swedish fairy dust but if you’re looking for more earth-bound reasons, I suppose I could bang on about the quietly empowering lyrics, the stunning synths, the shiver-down-spine key change from middle eight to final chorus and a chorus that exudes a hold stronger than Derren Brown doing his spooky stuff on an unsuspecting public.

Proof that break-up songs needs not all be clenched fists and feisty divas, the chorus of ‘I’m back in the light getting over you, now I got it together, I’m stronger than ever/Back on the track with a better view and I’m getting closer to perfection cos of you’ is as quietly uplifting as the best of them.

I challenge you to find a pop number from a teen band that, vocoder-ed to the hilt and as catchy as they come, exudes quite so much obvious class. Looking at A*Teens (generally terrible) promo photos, I’m not entirely sure how they managed it myself. Closer To Perfection? Pretty much as close as they come, actually.

UK Chart Peak: Unreleased
Key lyric: ‘I’m getting closer to perfection cos of you’
Get more A*Teens: For All That I Am, Floorfiller, Halfway Around The World

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: Supersister – Coffee

Posted on June 30, 2010 | 3 comments

The days when pop acts could afford their own wind machines

All I know about early-noughties girl-band Supersister can be written on the back of a postage stamp. However, that information is so banal (their names were Tina, Louise and Eleanor and they came from Sheffield) that I’d prefer to use that postage stamp for better purposes. The Internet instead prefers to remember a Dutch progressive rock outfit called Supersister – and let’s just say that any unsuspecting fans of that group who accidentally stumble upon this Great Forgotten Pop Song may be in for a bit of a surprise.

Coffee is a frothy, spangly, camper than a Liza Minelli E! Special disco stomper. Coming just as the nineties’ pop bubble was about to burst, it’s a last hurrah for the days when having a vaguely presentable band who knew their way round a catchy chorus was enough to score you a guaranteed top twenty. Coffee is cheesier than a gameshow host’s grin and all the better for it; a big fat platform-booted choon with tongue firmly in cheek and shoe firmly on dancefloor (preferably at the local gay bar).

It basically takes a joke recycled from a thousand chick-lit novels, about liking your men like you like coffee (‘hot strong and sweet like toffee’), and turns it into a full-blown pop extravaganza. Occasionally, this would be witty (‘like caffeine, you kept me up all night’), occasionally, slightly but deliciously dirty (‘fill my cup ‘til it’s flowing down the sides’, ‘in popped my lover, pulled back the covers, cos I like my coffee with cream’) and once, even delightfully British in its references to beverages made with a kettle (‘you’re just my cup of tea’). Packing more puns than a Kathy Lette book/Jimmy Carr routine, there’s some more wordplay about boiling points, steaming and stirrings deep inside before you reach the majesty of the middle eight:

Men like my coffee really turn me on
Sometimes espresso, sometimes he’s too strong
Then there’s Costa Rican, mellow but he’s rich
But never give me instant cos baby, he’s too QUICK

Judging by this mini-opus within a pop song, I’m surprised no enterprising cod-theologist has created a self-help book based on comparing men to coffee à la Men Are From Mars.

Supersister may be forgotten but the time is right for Coffee to be rediscovered. Whether that’s by some coffee advertising hotshots, soulless chick-flick producers needing soundtrack filler or just those out to have a good time under the glitter of the discoball is irrelevant. Kettle’s on.

UK Chart Peak: 16
Key lyric: ‘Fill my cup ‘til it’s flowing down the sides!’
Get more late nineties/early noughties girlie cheesy pop : Atomic Kitten – I Want Your Love, Gina G – Ooh Aah… Just A Little Bit, Girl Thing – Last One Standing

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: Alexis Strum – It Could Be You

Posted on May 26, 2010 | 2 comments

Poor old Alexis Strum. The eternal bridesmaid of British pop music, her whole back catalogue could feature in Great Forgotten Pop Songs Of Our Time. Leaving behind a trail of unreleased singles, shelved albums and general almost-but-not-quite-ness, Strum’s work still sounds as timeless and beautiful as it did when it was first (almost) released – making picking just one song to write about rather difficult.

Strum was first dropped after her more poppy debut single and album (the partly Xenomania-produced Addicted) never saw the light of day but come second album time, it looked like her fortunes might change. One song was made the theme tune to a much-hyped new ITV drama, she had a column on PopJustice, some old songs had been covered by Kylie and Rachel Stevens and the video for her lastest single, It Could Be You, was in the top ten most requested chart on The Box. Meanwhile, with the likes of Dido, Katie Melua, KT Tunstall and Lucie Silvas ruling the airwaves, it seemed that the market was ripe for talented female singer-songwriters. In a true mark of ‘making it’, I was even set to interview her!

Of course, in the great tradition of Britishness, this could only mean one thing – it would all go tits up. The release of It Could Be You was shelved, the release of parent album Cocoon was shelved, revised to feature the theme tune, then ummm… shelved again. Her record company couldn’t even get this right – both times, it was accidentally released to online stores, meaning us Strum devotees were able to legally purchase her material. And thank God for the record company’s ineptitude as Cocoon is a gem. (Needless to say and probably most crushingly for Strum, I didn’t get to interview her either).

(Sadly, there is no official trace of It Could Be You on Youtube… so here it is, relegated to soundtracking a Twilight fan video. Sigh)

It Could Be You is trademark Strum at her best. Her ballads, although lovelorn and haunting, are never boring, sappy or sickly-sweet; they burn with a sincerity and honesty that sets her apart from the rest of the field. Whilst lacking the booming Tedder-penned epic quality that has come to define a great ballad these days, Strum’s songs use interesting melodies and subtle synths to keep things interesting and although more than capable of writing a clever lyric (Bad Haircut, Nothing Good About This Goodbye), it’s the stunning simplicity of It Could Be You that makes it so easy to fall in love with.

‘Could I borrow your oxygen, I wanna breathe what you breathe’ is as arrestingly heart-stopping a first line as you could wish for. Yes, it’s an obvious reference to make (sanctimoniously declaring ‘you’re my oxygen’ is practically a requirement in ballads these days) but it perfectly captures that headlong rush of being in love. Strum’s vocals are always chillingly flawless but here, she shines with a delicate anguish on lines like ‘the kiss I almost taste’ and ‘the way your voice speaks to me inside/I cannot hide’.

It’s a simple idea, beautifully executed, with a dreamy quality that positively mists up your speakers.

Meanwhile, Alexis Strum (despite having a stonking name destined for pop) has given up music and is pursuing a career in acting. Well done, record companies. And my entirely legally-purchased music files no longer work because they were bought from Woolworths, which went bankrupt, taking my media usage rights with them. Well done, DRM copy-protection. In short, the only good thing left about this whole sorry affair is the music – and thankfully, very good music it is too. For anyone else, it wouldn’t be worth the trouble. For Strum, the struggles only add to its shadowy brilliance.

UK Chart Peak: Unreleased
Key lyrics: ‘Could I borrow your oxygen, I wanna breathe what you what breathe’
Get more: Alexis Strum – Nothing Good About This Goodbye, Bad Haircut, Stay Until Summer

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Great Forgotten Pop Songs: Ainslie Henderson – Keep Me A Secret

Posted on May 16, 2010 | 6 comments

There probably aren’t that many Top 5 singles that have been practically disowned by their singer/writer, especially when they are rather beautifully-crafted pop gems that most artists would be thrilled to have had a hand in. The next GREAT FORGOTTEN POP SONG OF OUR TIME (yes, the capitals are necessary to create that epic, booming voice feel) is Ainslie Henderson’s Keep Me A Secret.

Henderson was a contestant on the first series of BBC’s Fame Academy, the short-lived rival to ITV’s PopStars/Idol/X-Factor juggernaut. He was the ‘bad boy’ of the house for ummm… pushing over a Christmas tree (this was in the more innocent age of reality tv) and from what I remember, blamed his behaviour on feeling threatened by the also young, male, good-looking and Scottish eventual winner David Sneddon, which if you’ve seen David Sneddon is tantamount to feeling threatened by a pink fluffy teddy bear. Henderson was a little bit emo (possibly before the phrase emo was invented), played the guitar and would stomp about or clutch the microphone angstily when he performed, which meant he would probably never even have auditioned for the ultra-glossy ITV vehicles, let alone got as far as appearing at the live stages.

One of the major differences between the shows (apart from the dodgy decision by the Beeb to let the other contestants have the final vote at ‘evicting’ someone) was Fame Academy’s emphasis on creating an artist, rather than a *cough* karaoke *cough* singer. Sounds pretentious but it basically boiled down to getting the contestants writing their own material, which meant come release time, we didn’t just get a slew of covers (David Sneddon’s rather nice piano-driven debut album is wholly original, self-written songs). Keep Me A Secret, penned by Henderson himself and two other contestants, was a fruit of these labours.

Keep Me A Secret is a rare case of a pop song with indie sensibilities not being a complete abomination. It features a gorgeous fluttery strings section hook, some twinkly tambourine shimmers and a properly anthemic chorus, but it’s the song-writing that lifts it up to a higher plane of pop record. It’s a song where the lyrics are overtly all about doing your best not to fall in love, where the reality of the track is that you’re just about doing everything but. Henderson nails this through expression, both in his wonderfully longing vocal performance and the intoxicating manner of the lyrics.

Other songs would say ‘Don’t kiss me’; Henderson’s says ‘Keep my kisses off your lipsticks, stop me swallowing your charms’. This unusual way of spinning a line makes it more like poetry; it’s tactile, sensual and sexy, with lines like ‘sizzle when it’s face on face, skin on skin’ and ‘don’t let embraces linger, try to keep our arms untied’ bristling with a physicality that’s all the more stirring because it’s forbidden. Elsewhere, it’s the constant push-and-pull of the lyrics that drives it – ‘I’m trying to keep you out and I’m trying to keep me in’, ‘I’ll keep you out of my dreams if you keep me out of yours’ and the brilliantly-fashioned yearning of the middle eight that deserves to be quoted in it’s entirety: ‘All I’m asking/Is for nothing/And if nothing is enough for you/Oh leave it unsaid, keep it inside your head/Under your breath…’ (Henderson keeps that last note hanging with a desperate ache)

It’s not all great – there’s a dodgy bit around the second verse where Henderson rhymes mad with ermmm… mad that always makes me cringe. But for the most part, it’s truly gorgeous song-writing married with a charming sprightly melody.

Apparently, Henderson’s other songs were considered too risqué for a major label and Mercury dropped him before releasing a second single, let alone a whole album that would corrupt young ears. So proud is he of Keep Me A Secret that it doesn’t even feature on his self-released album, Growing Flowers By Candlelight, and has been airbrushed out of existence on his official site. He needn’t be ashamed. This is one secret I’m letting you in on – Keep Me A Secret is wonderful.

UK chart peak: 5
Key lyrics: ‘Keep my kisses off your lipstick, stop me swallowing your charms’; ‘Keep me out of my dreams, if you’ll keep me out of yours’
Get more not unattractive above-average boys with guitars: Alistair Griffin – Oblivion, Alex Gardner – I’m Not Mad

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