Category Archives: Television

Australia’s Next Top Model, Cycle 5: Pretty (young) things

Posted on August 10, 2010 | 5 comments

This blog promised to deliver you pretty things but so far, this has consisted mainly of cute objects spotted out and about in HK (novelty tweezers, windmill pens, lai see packets). So may I present to you some genuinely literally pretty things – contestants and their photos on Australia’s Next Top Model, Season 5.

Crawling the walls in frustration at having to wait a whole week for new episodes of the current season of Britain’s Next Top Model (I do weekly recaps for Teentoday), I started working my way through various cycles from around the world. Apart from America. I’d say ANTM jumped the shark long ago, but I’m not sure it was ever under/behind/away from the shark to start off with. Miss J has become such a grotesque caricature of a camp fashionista that he sets my teeth on edge, his cringeworthy flights of fancy with batshit-crazy Tyra are skin-curling (their rambles at panel are like you’ve picked up the receiver and accidentally overheard your parents having phone sex or something) whilst the last vaguely bearable part, the photo-shoots, have become so outlandish that they’re now totally ridiculous. In contrast, most other countries’ takes on the format are grounded in reality, shooting real campaigns and photos that could feasibly feature in glossy magazines, rather than adverts for the local freak show.

Season 5 of AusNTM was possibly my favourite cycle of the show to date. The judges were hilariously catty whilst actually speaking sense, the girls were uniformly pretty from the start (rather than the usual ‘I could find better hanging round my street corner’ but who apparently have ‘a strong look’ or could do ‘great editorial’ work), the challenges were realistic, the show was well-paced yet still drama-stuffed and the photos were often breathtakingly beautiful. Season 5 featured ‘bogan-ista’ Cassi van der Dungen, who punched walls in anger, swore at the end of catwalks, was continually puffing on a fag despite habitually claiming to have given up and proclaimed her desire to leave every other week whilst frustratingly taking amazing photos too = brilliant television. I was just happy that the word bogan was in common usage in Oz and not just a creation of Neighbours. [She later managed to get embroiled in a Facebook war with Charlotte Dawson and Alex Perry and make derogatory comments about the French after quitting Paris Fashion Week.]

And I haven’t even mentioned lantern-jawed Lola’s line theft during the Maybelline commercial, one girl weeping she would rather go home than have her hair cut and the insane amount of bitching that culminated in fat accusations, fag ends being dumped in someone’s bed and Cassi storming into someone’s shower and all-too-scarily threatening to rip her hair out. The season was eventually (and justifiably) won by Tahnee Atkinson, a big blue-eyed curvy beauty with an irresistible mouth. Totally cute, and yes, I had a girl-crush on her all season.

I adored the final photo-shoot, by Jez Smith; the banner photo of Tahnee was my absolute favourite of the series. I love how the background, all crashing waves and ominous clouds, is ultra-dramatic yet Tahnee, in her beautiful buy-me gown, is so serenely lushly beautiful. The greyscale effect adds a romantic, timeless quality; basically, wow. Claire and Cassi aren’t looking too shabby in theirs either – I particularly adore how vulnerable and bare Claire looks whilst Cassi, for all her flaws, really is an Oz Kate Moss.

The desert shoot, by Russell James, was just stunning (top to bottom: Tahnee, Adele, Franky, Cassi, Clare, Lola). You can always tell the good photographers from the bad when every single girl manages to look great (I now always look out for James on these shows as his work is so consistent). I love how these photos tell a story, that the setting looks cinematic in its stark baking beauty, that the colours are so vivid and that there are more fierce eyes going on here than Tyra has managed in a whole career. Most importantly, the girls’ bodies are smokin’, the styling is fantastic and the end result is an amazing strong but sexy look. The heat practically ripples off the celluloid.

It certainly beats seeing Tyra’s minions endlessly recreate the ‘Broken Down Doll’ pose whilst pretending to be a slab of meat at an abattoir, don’t you think?

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Posted in Culture, Pretty Things, Television

Tagged AusNTM, AusNTM Cycle 5, Australia', Australia's Next Top Model, Australia's Next Top Model Cycle 5, Cassi van der Dungen, Clare Venema, desert shoot, Jez Smith, Next Top Model, photo-shoot, photography, photos, pictures, Pretty Things, review, Russell James, Tahnee Atkinson

Don’t wake me up…

Posted on May 7, 2010 | 1 comment

If there’s one thing guaranteed to make me feel like a 12 year-old again, it’s reminiscing over old-but-not-ancient tv shows. Especially the ones that aren’t actually the agreed ‘classics’ but the sort of not technically great but still holds a place in your heart stuff, that has the power to make one generation alone go goo-goo eyed yet cause blank stares and bemusement to everyone outside this narrow range.

So how are these pictures of the Saved By The Bell cast all grown-up for making you feel old? Take that, High School Musical, this will you be in 20 years!

In the UK, this used air at 9.25am on Channel 4. Oh, the days when I used to wake up at 9.25am through my own volition.

Zack Morris was my best friend Tom’s first gay crush. I wanted to be Kelly Kapowski but was probably always more of a Jessie Spano (sans the addiction to ‘I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so…. scared’ caffeine pills). My Saved By The Bell tee from TruffleShuffle.com is the most commented-upon item in my wardrobe, eliciting knowing smiles and thumbs-up from random passers-by every time that I wear it (well, at least I hope that’s why they were smiling).

The cast look amazing and it makes my heart go all warm and fuzzy to see them back together again (this behind-the-scenes video is cute too). Of course, you’ll notice Screech is missing. In-between making porn, becoming a chess master and desperately flogging t-shirts on his website, I guess he was too busy. Or he just wasn’t pretty enough for this shoot. Or, given the number of years he clocked up with the SBTB franchise, he’s STILL working for Mr Belding.

Jimmy Fallon unsuccessfully tried to reunite the cast on his show (Screech and Tiffani ‘Kelly’ Thiessen didn’t sign up, although Thiessen released an odd viral about how busy she was which suggested that she was game), so I guess this photo shoot might be the closest we get. Although Mario Lopez (ah… those dimples are still cute as ever) does tantalisingly hint we might get a future reunion show later. Fallon’s attempts did result in this rather awesome interview with Zack Morris. He is STILL the coolest kid in school.

UPDATE: Come 2014, he finally managed to reunite four of the Bayside gang… I challenge you not to grin your way through this! And how do they all look EXACTLY THE SAME? Was there something magic in the water fountains at The Max?!

As a consolation present, Fallon instead reunited the California Dreams cast. HELL YEAH. In the UK, this would often air immediately after Saved By The Bell and was basically the same, except this lot were in a band (the ‘song an episode’ premise features in another childhood favourite obsession, Jem & The Holograms). It came from SBTB’s genius producer, Peter Engel who, once he’d found a successful formula, sure as hell stuck to it (Hang Time, Malibu CA, City Guys) – young attractive cast, cheesy jokes, “issues” episodes and a cavalier attitude to cast changes to keep the dead horse flogged for as long as humanely possible.

Again, the cast look sickeningly-good (possible because they’ve not exactly been exhausting themselves with work ever since) apart from the Latino one, who wore a leather jacket back in the day signalling his ‘bad boy’ character, and is now nearly unrecognisable (hang on, isn’t he Weevil in later seasons of Veronica Mars?!). Sly, the slightly rat-faced Tom Cruise-alike (couldn’t sing so became the band’s sleazy manager and of course, best character) even whips out the six-pack – oh, the desperation of out-of-work actors (not that I’m complaining).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8a7Xp7hS2o

But the real fangirl squeal is reserved for when the cast actually sing the theme tune (at 9.30 in the vid). Yes, these folks sung and played their instruments for real (although the badly-mimed, leotard frenzy that was the girls’ band in SBTB still remains a guilty pleasure that pops up way more often on my iPod than I’m ever going to admit).

I’m going to repeat – they sing the theme tune. Live. The warm fuzzy feeling produced by the SBTB photos just multiplied tenfold into a shivery happy glow. It’s actually a brilliant mellow theme song, which transports you instantly to laidback lounging on the beach. Amazing harmonies, evocative instrumentation, fantastic vocals (possibly in the days before Autotune existed). It’s actual theme song GOLD. In fact, let’s watch in all its full-length 90s glory – just wait for that guitar solo.

And it made me feel like a carefree child again for a few precious hours. These dreams *are* good.

Pictures: People Magazine

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Posted in Culture, Random, Television

Tagged 90s, California Dreams, Elizabeth Berkley, flashback, Jimmy Fallon, Mario Lopez, Mark Paul Gosselar, nostalgia, People magazine, Peter Engel, reunion, Saved By The Bell, Television, theme songs, Tiffani Thiessen, video, Zack Morris

New Doctor Who review – officially excited!

Posted on April 7, 2010 | Leave a comment

It’s always heartening when you get the worst bit of something out the way as soon as possible. I can safely say that happened with the first episode of the brand spanking new reboot of Doctor Who with their opening credits – the theme tune wasn’t a patch on the OTT grandiose drums of Russell T. Davies’ reign. Everything after the wobbly purple credits for The Eleventh Hour was somewhere between good and amazing. Just how I like it.

This isn’t a review for people that didn’t watch the first episode of Matt Smith’s incarnation as the Doctor; more fool you and take this opportunity to right your wrongs and check it out on iPlayer before I spoil things for you. The Eleventh Hour was a fresh start to the franchise – new Doctor, new companion in the comely shape of Karen Gillan, new Tardis, new sonic screwdriver and new head honcho in the form of Steven Moffat, who has been responsible for most of the best Who episodes since the show got revived (the spooky clockwork monsters in the Madame de Pompadour episode, the tantalising prospect that the Doctor has a wife in the wonderful Alex Kingston’s River Song and, of course, the super-scary weeping angels in best episode EVER Blink). As a result of all this shiny newness to introduce, The Eleventh Hour was a little busy, a little unevenly-paced but mostly brilliant.

As a big David Tennant fan, I was worried that I wouldn’t take to Matt Smith. These worries proved unfounded. He brought an energising joie de vivre to the part and crucially, didn’t feel like a whole other character. He was a continuation of Tennant’s version, helped by a clever script that was unafraid to reference some of the old Doctor’s moments (‘wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey’), but with added new potential. I look forward to seeing how Smith’s portrayal develops and it already feels like it will be exciting to watch.

Karen Gillan as Amy Pond, the new companion, looks like she will leave all memories of Billie Piper in the dust. After wooden Martha and shouty Donna, I found Amy instantly likeable, brave, feisty, clever and also, stunning (her eyes are just bewitching). How’s that for good first impressions?! Moffat also gave her a great back-story – she met the Doctor when she was little, everyone in the village knew about her ‘imaginary friend’ and here he was, actually real!

There have been a few complaints online about the ropey CGI aliens, but let’s not forget, the Daleks once were made using sink plungers. And the sight of Olivia Colman with a set of gnarling gnashers was just the right mix of scary and silly (I feel this balance is key to Who). The script, even with so much story-telling to do, managed to be mildly witty (a welcome change from the bodily fluids jokes and fleeting gay allusions frequented by Davies) – I particularly liked the Doctor’s line that he had twenty minutes to save the world and all he had was a post office ‘that’s closed’. Anyone (i.e. me) who has lived in a village where what few amenities exist totally shutdown on a public holiday will identify. There was even a stirringly-iconic ‘I am the Doctor!’ moment that showed Smith has the otherworldly authority to pull off the role, despite being the youngest Doctor to date. I could have done without the seemingly endless shots of foods the Doctor’s new body wasn’t a fan of but ho-hum, it seems churlish to complain when there was so much to be thrilled about.

As if the episode wasn’t enough, we were then treated to a preview of the rest of the series. Wow. It looks amazing (then again, these previews always do). River Song and, o-m-g, THE WEEPING ANGELS are back. After the damp squib that was Strictly, the ridiculousness of Robin Hood being killed off and the lacklustre So You Think You Can Dance, it’s time to get excited about staying in on Saturdays.