Zoya Brizia nail polish review

‘It’s a full-on Monet… From far away, it’s OK, but up close, it’s a big old mess.’

The above quote is from Clueless, a film I have dedicated unhealthy amounts of my time to learning the script for. I have been dying to use this particular zinger in real-life for similarly unhealthy amounts of time and finally I get the chance to… on Zoya’s Brizia nail polish.

Why? Well if you can bear clicking the photos for enlargements of my battered hands, you’ll see that what, from far away, looks like a nicely neutral nail-elongating shade is actually, up close, a streaky ‘big old mess’.

Despite this, Brizia is a lovely nuanced colour that queens of neutral, Essie, would no doubt die to get their (perfectly-manicured) mitts on. It’s a soft cloudy coffee created way before the current vogue for putty and greige hues arrived. But there are also hints of pearly pink, cool lavender and subtle silver shimmer. Tilt it into the shadows and it’s muted taupe, under natural light it’s a silky mauve, let it hit the sun and it’s a lustrous seashell pink; it would also look great as an irridescent topcoat over other colours. [Pictured, top to bottom: pearly pink in bright sunlight, soft lavender in natural light, cloudy taupe in low lighting.] It’s a lush multi-tasking neutral that’s highly wearable and unobtrusively pretty. Yet it’s not for me.

Firstly, I think it’s just too close to my own skintone. Admittedly, I’d give the Cullens a run for their money in the pale skin stakes, but from some angles, this just seemed to blend in with my fingers. Not a good look.

Secondly, it’s the first and so far, only Zoya lacquer where I wasn’t impressed with the formula. Although application with Zoya’s ‘just right’ brush was a breeze as usual, it went on very sheer, requiring at least three coats to get some semblance of opacity. It was also very streaky, a problem I never managed to fix entirely, and I had particular problems getting an even colour at the tips of the nails, where it pooled oddly, leading to even more streaks. Hence why I’m branding Brizia a full-on Monet!

It could have just been a dodgy bottle, it could just be that I’m not as willing to look past Brizia’s Monet properties because I wasn’t sold on the colour, it could even be that I was too desperate to get to use that line from Clueless – either way, Brizia isn’t one of my must-have shades. But what I am certain of is that, with its subtle kaleidoscope of different looks, it will definitely be on plenty of other people’s hit lists. Indeed, I am reliably informed that it’s one of Cher2’s biggest sellers.

So if you’re after a versatile nude with more bang for your buck, or if you’re another Clueless fanatic dying to give the Monet line an airing, Brizia might just be the nail polish for you. Like… whatever! I’m outie!

Looks good with: office-wear, ladylike cool, the Impressionist movement
Drying time: 3 mins
Coats required: 3-4
Chips: +7 days

Zoya Brizia nail polish, Suede Collection, $80, Cher2