Tag Archives: Vera Farmiga

Red Carpet Rundown: Met Ball 2010, Part III

So far we’ve had my favourites, my err… other favourites and Tina Fey. I guess it’s about time we gave Tina’s sacked stylist some company at the job centre.

Vera Farmiga in Sophie Theallet – Ugliest dress of the night that wasn’t actively trying to be ugly. The bottom half, which finds ever-increasing ways to zig-zag Farmiga’s body in as unflattering a way as possible, is particularly nasty. Get back to your saloon in the Wild West, Vera!

Christina Hendricks in L’Wren Scott – It wasn’t a good night for baby blue, was it? It was nice of Christina to bring her baby falcon with her for company. Of course, no one is looking at the baby falcon or the strange orange  make-up or the oddly frizzy up-do. They’re looking at her breasts. It’s for looks like this that the fact ‘breasts’ is only one letter away from ‘beasts’ seems so appropriate.

January Jones in YSL – Hendricks’ eye make-up clearly has nothing on that of her Mad Men co-star. There’s so much of it, it actually looks like a superhero mask. Aided with the concrete quiff, cat burglar gloves and garish colour contrast between shiny 80s prom dress pink and black iron balcony railings, she could definitely be a superhero of some sort. One of those self-made ones out of Kick-Ass maybe. I can only presume Jones is rebelling against being sooooo pretty as Betty by looking freakish in real-life. In which case, result!

Katy Perry in CuteCircuit – I’m loath to put a picture of Perry in because by doing so, that’s giving her the attention she wants. And attention-seeking is the only reason anyone would choose to wear this gown. It’s not a gown, it’s a party trick. It lights up! In neon colours! That’s like so cool… if you’re six years old and they’re glow-in-the-dark stickers you put on your ceiling to look like space. The light display would be by-the-by if it was actually a nice dress. But it isn’t. It’s cheap-looking, shapeless and looks like it was made from scrunched-up nappies. Thankfully unsoiled. Small mercies.

Kristen Stewart in Chanel – Unlike so many fashion critics, I have so much goodwill towards Kristen. I find her awkwardness endearing, even when it means outfits don’t look as nice as they should because she’s standing like Quasmido with the facial expression of someone about to have their photo taken… oh no, what, you took it just now?! But I wasn’t ready! But I can’t muster up much goodwill towards this dress. Remember the old saying about people so attractive that they’d look good in a bin bag? Well, here Chanel put that to the test and um… let’s put that saying to bed, shall we? But that’s not the main issue – what is going on at the bottom? It looks like it’s from a different (also not very nice) dress. The only consolation is that it looked equally horrid on the runway.

Carey Mulligan in Miu Miu – Since Mulligan is British and fairly new to the red carpet, I imagine she also had no idea what or who the Met Ball was. You thought Rachel Bilson wasn’t ‘event-appropriate’? Well, you’ll be weeping into your lace hankies at this. I actually like this dress a lot – it’s very cute, the floral embroidery is just lovely and it really works with the whole fresh-as-a-daisy charm Carey oozes – but it looks so out of place, and Carey knows it. Hands dug in pockets (they look like oven mitts), facial expression of ‘Woah… how come all these photographers are here? I thought this was just a casual little shindig?’, black opaque tights meaning (the Brit in her) that she was sure she would be spending extended periods of time outside… your stylist screwed you over, Carey. I’m sorry. I bet she knew what the Met Ball was all along, the bitch.

Diane Kruger and Zoe Saldana in Calvin Klein; Jessica Biel in Ralph Lauren – I’m not going to pretend these gowns are ugly because they’re not. However, look at what you’ve seen so far and admit, these are a little boring, aren’t they? Oh I know, fashionistas are supposed to worship the ground that Diane’s teutonic little feet walk on and yes, she does look stunning but this minimalist dress is just a little too minimalist for me. It is literally a bit of a blank. Zoe is the best of the lot – her gown fits her like a glove and it actually has some interesting texture and shimmer, plus the one-shoulder and the sparkle in her eye, saving it from being too yawnworthy. And after that shag-pile rug inspired Oscars look, I think she’s allowed a bit of a breather. I actually like Biel’s dress the most – it’s signature Ralph Lauren, fluid effortless drapey grace – but Biel herself is so boring. She can’t afford to wear a boring dress or else she drowns in a sea of vanilla.

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Red Carpet Rundown: Oscars 2010, Part II

And onto Part II, cunningly-named ‘The Rest’ category; this is what I was referring to when I said the Oscars 2010 red carpet was one of the most interesting and adventurous in years. Thought I’d hook you in with the uglies to start off…

Diane Kruger in Chanel – Kruger is usually one of the most impeccably-dressed women around (see what she’s been wearing the rest of this awards season here) but this is a dress only a mother could love. In fact, make that grandmother, as surely (cool hip grandmas apart) they’re the only ones constituting any sort of buoyant lace doilie market there may be and lace doilies appears to be what this dress is fashioned from. Screwed-up lace doilies occasionally throttled with screwed-up black lace doilies that is. Find the most unflattering parts of a figure to tie things around and in a quite remarkable feat, that’s where the black lace appears on this gown. The middle section reminds me of curdled cottage cheese, which in turn reminds me of thrush. No dress that reminds me of an infection whereby your urine looks like cottage cheese can be a good thing.

Vera Farmiga in Marchesa – I’m usually a big fan of Marchesa’s structural gowns but try as I might to love this one, rather like that Topshop dress that rocked on Alexa Chung/Kate Moss/Sienna Miller but just looks weird on you, I can’t. I love the cerise colour, I love the shade of lipstick and I love that the neutral-wearing Farmiga has taken a real fashion risk, but I just see pencil shavings… or pleated napkins… or cupcake cases, which are stiff, slightly grotesque and give Farmiga no shape at all. I think in isolated doses, just on the bodice with a sleek skirt or vice versa, it might have worked yet in its current state, it just looks like an infection running rampage over the entire dress.

Zoe Saldana in Givenchy – Some critics are going loop the loop for this dress, which just highlights the selective couture blindess that seems to go on. Saldana is stunning and sells this gown with all her Na’vi might but it was weird on the catwalk and it’s still weird now. Let’s go through this step by step. Glittering bodice: gorgeous. Origami-pleated waistline – delectable. Lavender colour – delicious. The bottom: *Red alert, fire alarms, sirens, screams of horror * What is it?! The remains of a Muppet? A crowd of purple Chuzzles? Some tie-dyed shag-pile rugs from the 70s? No idea, but DO NOT LIKE.

Charlize Theron in Christian Dior – In homage to her Arrested Development character, perhaps this gown would look better on inside out? Only a Mr F could have thought this would look good. Charlize really can’t have a go at us if we’re all staring at her tits because the two Danish pastries attached to her boobs make it kinda hard not to. I preferred them when held up to the ears to make you look like Princess Leia (you can have that style tip for free). In all fairness, the rest of the gown is fine and Theron is her usual immaculately-groomed but if the designer really had to “add interest” to this simple dress, couldn’t he have found a less patently ridiculous place to do so?

Carey Mulligan in Prada – I hoped it would be Kristen Stewart bringing a rock edge to the Oscars but step forward English rose, Mulligan, to do red carpet dressing with a punky twist. Rather than embellishing the bodice with mere girlie glitter, Prada have instead scattered it with miniature knives, forks, scissors, keys and watch gears, a really cute and quirky design detail that totally works and makes the top half of this dress rock. Bottom half however and things start to get a bit tipsy; I don’t like the shorter length at the front, the border is unnecessary and the shoes seem heavy. I think a shorter version of this would look great at some music awards show – get onto it Prada!

Sarah Jessica Parker in Chanel – Of course, SJP fans would have you believe this dress is amazing/beautiful/stunning and that she was one of the best dressed of the night. But those SJP fans tend to think she would look fantastic in a bin bag (and let’s face it, she probably has worn one at some stage) and the reality is that this dress is a bit of a let-down. It does have a classic sort of elegance to it, but the musty yellow colour makes it look like it was discovered amongst the mothballs at the back of the closet and you’ll have more chance of finding a real-life Big than any sort of shape in this saggy sheath. Nevertheless, the beautifully intricate neckline is fascinating, in a Derren Brown sort of way. Is sheer will power alone holding it up? A spell from the fashion gods granted for so many years of sterling service? Who knows but it, and those sparkling bracelets, are the best thing about this outfit.

Red Carpet Rundown: Baftas 2010

I’m actually a little disappointed with this year’s red carpet fashion at the Baftas. Usually, the quirky Brit mentality means we get more adventurous choices from the stars yet this year, that derring-do dash of daring seems to have deserted the largely black and neutral red carpet. Whether it was the cold, the rain or the lower-than-usual star wattage of the guests (screw you A-Listers, we had bona fide royalty in the form of Prince William), fashion choices seemed more conservative than usual. Here’s a rundown of the only gowns that grabbed our interest for long enough to write about them.

Kathryn Bigelow – I’m gonna start off with my favourite outfit, which is also probably the most boring. Go figure. It’s getting absolutely no attention from most fashion blogs and red carpet write-ups so I have no idea who designed it either. A few are even criticising the tights with peeptoes thing; let’s remember – this is England, England is cold, my black opaques are practically welded on me through September to May so I barely noticed. But in my opinion, Kathryn Bigelow looks smokin’. Fresh from winning Best Director and Best Picture for heavy-hitting war flick The Hurt Locker, she looks positively radiant. Frankly, I’m not expecting Best Director nominees to show up looking like a Disney princess (whether that’s right or wrong of me is a different discussion) so this glittery mini is perfectly fitting – and judging by that figure, it’s a perfect fit too. Sparkle is the perfect way to jazz up a boring LBD and I love the sexy oil slick way it’s reflecting flashes of other colours at the bottom. Let’s just say I’m a sucker for sequins, ok?

Audrey Tatou in Lanvin – My favourite Frenchie Marion Cotillard abandoned me for this ceremony, so I guess we’ll talk about Audrey Tatou instead. Kinda wish I didn’t have to. I look at this gown and think marshmallow – it doesn’t exactly look like one, yet has many of the attributes I associate with that piece of confectionary (puffy, pink) but sadly, without the tasty aspect. Ruching in all the wrong places, it looks like it was fashioned from a restaurant tablecloth. I like the unlikely contrast with the scarlet accessories but by then, it’s too little too late. Tatou’s so chic as well so I shudder to think what this would look like on someone without her innate sense of style.

Carey Mulligan in Vionnet – This is so almost there for me. The graphic floral print is lovely yet modern and the striking monochrome keeps it from looking like cushion covers. I’m also a massive fan of boat-necks (so elegant) and the ribbon belt is a pretty touch. But it’s a shame the designer caught mad bride disease when he made it, for the train is unnecessary and the gown would look far cleaner and less old-fashioned without it.

See what I mean about neutrals?

Kate Winslet in Stella McCartney – It seems Kate Winslet is going the same way as cheese, wine and Chanel handbags i.e. the older, the better. This gown fits Winslet like a glove – and not some chunky fluorescent mitten your Nan knitted but a super-sexy and ultra-slinky one. The lace inserts add just the right amount of sex and prevent this from becoming just another boring black dress. Only just though. Winslet’s red carpet dressing of late has become very body-con and we miss the days where she used to wear shades other than black in the likes of Temperley and Ben de Lisi. We don’t miss the Doc Martins though.

Vera Farmiga in Marchesa – Marchesa’s gowns often seem a tad bridal (see Kate Hudson’s Golden Globes dress) and this isn’t much of an exception. Except I think it’s more heaven must be missing an angel goddess. Farmiga just looks untouchable in this dress – graceful, lofty, beautiful. The rational part of my brain knows it has seen other photos where this dress makes Farmiga look a little lumpy and that Farmiga’s preference for neutrals this season is making her seem a bit ice-queen, but the little girl part just screams ‘Must obey! Grown-up goddess in attendance.’ [The responsible writer part is meanwhile saying: ‘Mention the stunning origami detail on the shoulder and Farmiga’s elegant up-do and make-up’.]

Jaime Winston in Alexander McQueen – The only neutral things about this outfit are the colours. The rest is wholehearted horrid. Winston looks like a Marilyn Monroe or Jean Harlow tribute act. In fact, she looks like a tribute of a tribute act. The peroxide doesn’t suit her, nor do the Marcel waves, nor do the blood-black lips, nor does the dead animal draped round her shoulders. And the bandaging creates unsightly bulges and looks as if someone ran riot with duct tape over what was originally a nice dress.

Saorise Ronan in Burberry – Her name may still look like someone trying to cobble together a word from a bad Scrabble rack, but the snitch from Atonement is coming of age and she is looking seriously pretty in this frothy number. It’s young, it’s fresh and may be the beginning of Ronan getting a whole new set of (red-blooded male) fans. Top marks on coordinating the belt with the shoes too.

Now time to enter The Twilight Zone...

Anna Kendrick in Pucci – Kendrick is getting a slaughtering for this dress on other blogs. Well, you’re safe here Anna love. Although nominated for Best Supporting Actress in Up In The Air, she’s probably more widely-known for playing a bit-part in Twilight – serving as a reminder for the fact she is still a mere youngster, even though many of her red-carpet choices have been on the more “mature” side. This dress is the kind of bold blast of fresh air I’d expect a Brit to be making at the Baftas so kudos to Kendrick for beating us at our own game. The vibrant zing of the colour is great, the gold detailing is exquisite and matches the sandals perfectly and ok, the ruffles and shape mean it’s not very flattering but that mega-watt smile and gorgeous hair make it a winner in my book.

Robert Pattinson – MAN ALERT! As you can see from the facial close-up, we’re not really analysing his clothes. The big news is R Patz has new hair!!! Whaddya mean you can’t tell the difference?! Well, it’s less bouffant, less artfully-messy, less Charlie from Busted. This can only be a bad thing in my book as Charlie is probably my number one crush of all time (sorry Harry McFly). The flatness can be blamed on the rain (and we hear Rob spent ages in the drizzle meeting the fans, bless him) but the lack of facial hair is entirely non weather-dependent. Hmmm… we never realised we’d miss his stubble until now. Like a modern-day Samson, once shorn of his sexy birds nest locks, his power to reduce me to a swooning fangirl is diminished. Now who’s gonna start the ‘Bring Back The Bouffant’ Facebook group first?

Kristen Stewart in Chanel – Bella’s also getting a lot of flack on blogs, not for her sartorial choices but for her sulky teen demeanour. Stewart is such a talented actress that it’s easy to forget she * is * genuinely a teen in real life too and how many of us, in addition to the acne, popularity contests and raging hormones, had to run the gamut of the red carpet every other week?! (Then again, how many of us get snog Robert Pattinson and get paid for it… sympathy rapidly evaporating…) Stewart’s red carpet postures and general awkwardness do very little for her outfits but do make me love her just that little bit more. Personally, I think Stewart has the look and the boyish frame to carry off edgier ensembles with aplomb (I still love this Balenciaga dress from a year ago and she totally rocks this leather jacket with a Pucci mini) so this dress, although classic and inoffensive, doesn’t really wow me. Her hair (did a stylist get anywhere near it? Cos it don’t look like it) and clompy shoes aren’t helping her cause either. Oh, just let her get back under her duvet for everyone’s sake! (Although who can blame her if Pattinson’s under there too *wink wink*!)